That Floating Poo Was Far Too Symbolic! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Year.

As we consider the television offerings of the past year, a handful of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their notable shortcomings. Ranging from cringe-inducing sequels to confusingly bad docuseries, here are the programmes that had us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

And Just Like That

Where to begin with this love/hate follow-up? Burdened with dreadful writing, painful arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series fought to find its footing. Briefly, as the final series began, it looked like it had at last found its groove. Then arrived an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator announced this would be the final season. It ended on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was simply too symbolic. Still, viewers certainly had a hoot picking apart every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a little sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was practically the smallest of this drama's issues. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon zero star assessment, it was hard to know where to begin listing the flaws. The hilariously leaden writing? The tedious veneration of affluence and consumption? The almost wilful parade of tropes? Performances so bad they felt borderline malicious? Let’s just say “each and every one” and forget about this series again. Except, a new season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Given the restraining orders, domestic violence allegations and parental failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive excess while struggling to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any sympathy this series might induce should be saved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charismatic but flippant egotist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we understood it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy figures convening in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.

Actually, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to accommodate unconvincing dialects. But there were plenty of other issues. Primarily that it was just really dull; a conflict over narcotics territory between various London rogues which felt rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the extent to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint homemaking as intentional statements. But then you view them and are compelled to concede that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine come to life; a meme for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, sentimental platitudes and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are obviously fascinating things to be discussed about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this documentary series opted not to say them. Instead, the viewing was akin to reading a marketing brochure. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any helps with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next big hit – except even camper, with a famous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality managing her estate. What more could you want? As contestants competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too complicated to explain what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up reeking of a production that was straining desperately to emulate something far greater than it.

Too Much

How do you follow a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of famous friends involved felt icky.

The Sketch Show Return

Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the shrewd recruitment of gifted emerging comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a one-note joke milked to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated with care. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lurching from strangely breezy, slightly stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We admire the star … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a discovery that could destabilise society? Nope! This international thriller about government agencies targeting – and killing off – intellectuals honestly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This hagiography followed the content creator renowned for explicit exploits as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was far greater interrogation of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific shots and absolutely no interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.